The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness

Lancer Ranch, San Joaquin Valley, California

When considering the welfare of my cousin, I have a few concerns.

Scott stopped to reread his sentence and frowned. ‘A few?’ Taking his pen, he drew a line through his words and started again.

When considering the welfare of my cousin, I have several concerns. I have learned Kinsey is a very trusting individual - which is a fine attribute. However, she is also quite gullible. This combination easily lends itself to be the recipient of innocent practical jokes and teasing. I admit - I’m guilty of playing a few pranks on Kinsey in the past. My concern is when the ruse is no longer innocent and she becomes the victim of a person not worthy of her trusting nature. And now, I have the additional concern of her recent influx of finances. Money can attract a person with outwardly good intentions but, in truth, only their personal agenda in mind. I catch myself as overprotective and guarded towards new acquaintances she encounters. Concern or control - a fine line to walk.

What I need to establish control of is her manners and etiquette. Again, a fine line. There are times I shudder at her behavior. I know it's my Bostonian upbringing. Life in California has relaxed my views on a few issues but some protocol remains true. I'm certain she knows better and takes advantage of any given situation. I appreciate her free spirit but she needs boundaries. The solution presented itself during my last trip to Sacramento.

~ S.

He had spotted the publication on a dusty shelf of his favorite bookstore. It was perfect. Not only would the book be entertaining, but it would also serve a purpose.

This morning, while Kinsey was weeding the kitchen garden, Scott placed the book in the middle of her bed. Now, as he sat in the hacienda's great room with the Green River Gazette, he simply had to wait.

Hearing the kitchen door slam shut - which inspired Maria’s rapid-fire Spanish followed by Kinsey’s clambering up the steps to her room - he knew his wait would soon be over.

“What is this?”

Scott had heard his cousin enter the room but chose to stay hidden behind the headlines. Lowering the paper, he peered at the object in her hand. “A book.”

“I can see it's a book. What do you expect me to do with it?”

“I expect you to read it.”

Kinsey scrutinized the title. “The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness authored by Florence Hartley.”

“That's a very good start.”

“You can't be serious.”

Scott folded the paper, set it aside and pointed to his face. “This is an expression of a man who is serious. In fact, I've never been more serious. When I first met you in Melbourne, you were the picture of decorum. Polite. Soft-spoken. Attentive. The perfect example of a little lady. But then you arrived in California and soon you were playing in the mud, stretching the truth, sassing your elders, getting arrested, arriving late for supper, slamming doors, creating chaos…”

“That’s not true. I have never created chaos.”

Scott raised his eyebrows. “That’s a matter of opinion.” Sighing, he continued. “Can’t be helped, young lady. It's a stipulation in your grandfather's will. And, as executor, I have to follow the guidelines laid out in the legal document. If it was left up me -”

“What stipulation?”

Scott frowned and pointed to the book. “Chapter one. Page fourteen. I made note of the passage.” He watched his cousin’s smug look disappear as she found the indicated page. “Read it out loud, please.”

“Never interrupt anyone who is speaking. It is very ill-bred. No truly polite lady ever breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker.”

Scott cleared his throat. “As I was saying...if it was up to me, I'd let you keep slamming doors, missing meals, and being the occasional guest of Sheriff Crawford. Why should I care? However, I'm legally named the trustee of your inheritance and charged to guide you over the next six years. I'm resolute in my role, Kinsey. Evidently, your grandfather had a firmer grasp of your challenging personality than I gave him credit for.”

“Are you saying my grandfather's lawyers had this book’s guidelines legally adopted into his will?”

“Chapter one. Page sixteen. I'll wait.”

Frowning Kinsey thumbed through the pages. “Never question the veracity of any statement made in general conversation. If a statement appears monstrous, but you do not know that it is false, listen, but do not question its veracity. It may be true, though it strikes you as improbable.” Kinsey snapped the book shut. “Scott! This is ridiculous!”

“Chapter one. Page nine.” Scott’s eyes made it clear their conversation would not proceed until the passage was read.

“Be careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice; at the same time avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy medium between mumbling and screaming. Strive to attain it.” Kinsey continued to stare at the page a few moments before glancing up. “You read the entire book?”

“Cover to cover.” Scott tapped his temple with his index finger. “I’ve been told I have an excellent memory. My hands are tied, Freckles. I'm to assist and guide you - starting with that book, which will be in your possession at all times. Please pack it for our visits to the vineyards.”

“I see no reason why this book needs to accompany me on our trip.”

“Chapter three. Page thirty-five. I believe I penciled a star in the margin.”

“If you travel under the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble as possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements he may make for your comfort.”

Scott held out his hand. “May I?” Once the book was in his possession, he examined the passage just read, fished a pencil from his shirt pocket and underlined the words give him as little trouble as possible. Taking a moment to admire his work, he nodded. “Better.” And returned the book to its owner.

Picking up his newspaper, Scott observed his cousin’s scowling face and crossed arms. “Chapter twenty-six. Page two hundred eighty-four...To stand with the arms a-kimbo, the hands on the hips, or with the arms crossed, while conversing, is exceedingly unladylike.” Fearing a smile might slip out, he unfolded the paper and hid behind it. “Best start reading, Kinsey Rose. We leave tomorrow.”

The next day, Scott looked at the contents of the wagon that would serve as transportation for their trip. His one travel bag was no competition to Kinsey’s three pieces of luggage as she added a fourth.

“Freckles, this is not a month-long excursion to a foreign land. Why all this baggage?”

Scott watched his cousin, with her all-knowing expression, remove Florence Hartley’s book of etiquette from her bag. Clearing her throat, Kinsey informed her audience. “There is no situation in which a lady is more exposed than when she travels, and there is no position where a dignified, lady-like deportment is more indispensable and more certain to command respect. Be certain to travel with all personal items to accomplish what is expected of a proper lady of fine upbringing. Which reminds me, I have one more small bag to retrieve.” Returning Scott’s “Protocol Bible” back into her luggage, Kinsey reentered the hacienda.

Scott grinned. She wasn't as gullible as he had first thought. Tying down the recently added bag, Scott was startled to see Johnny emerge from the shadows of the barn.

“You’re back.”

Johnny stared at the luggage loaded in the wagon. “Hoping to leave before I returned?”

“No. I just assumed it would take you longer.”

“To check the fence line or to do some thinking?”

Scott smiled. “Both.”

“Looks to me like a long trip.”

“No, little brother. You're actually looking at revenge. I'll explain later.”

Johnny squinted towards the hacienda and nodded. “Do me a favor, Boston. Don't let some grape-crushin' casanova capture her heart - not his to take.” Scott raised an eyebrow as his brother continued. “I'm givin’ her time. Doesn't mean I'm givin' her up.”

Scott nodded. “I'll do my best.” He watched his younger brother return to the shadows of the barn. Concerns. There are several.